Healing and improving our relationship

If we are in a relationship and want it to be better, we need to reveal more to our partner.

We need to:

Notice where have we've been hurt or dishonored by not being seen, understood, accepted appreciated, and admired. These need to be healed and restored because if not, it creates a lot of reluctance and even unwillingness. And then we need to consider: "what if the person did not intend to hurt us, and they could not see us because of the differences of perspective between man and women." Would we be more willing to heal by knowing that they did not intend to hurt us?
Notice when we have not seen, understood, accepted, appreciated, and admired our partner? And notice where we didn't intend to hurt them.
Be aware of where we intended to withhold understanding, acceptance, appreciation, and admiration because we felt hurt and disrespected? We could also withhold because of distrust of how that might be used against us.
Let's see how much we can own, be aware, and willing to see — noticing how this can lead to understanding and accepting.
Let's find what is unique about our partner and be proud of ourselves because we own and acknowledge our part, and we are trying to be responsible.
Every little bit of awareness improves a relationship and makes a difference.
Let's ask our partner: Where have I not seen, understood, accepted, appreciate, and admire you, that matters to you? So we can see what we need to heal or do.
If he/she is willing to ask the same question and without attacking, we express where we have been hurt.

Understanding is going to be the basis of our action, accepting, appreciating, admiring, to be able to interact more effectively.

Women have a favorite question: WHY this happened, and men HOW did this happen?

What a man perceives as a threat makes him be compelled by instinct to be defensive, reactive, feeling undermined attacked and betrayed. If a man reacts, this way is because he feels a threat by us. The biological reaction is flight, fight, or freeze. Instinct responds to the perception of a threat.

APPRECIATION

When we don't feel appreciated, we withhold recognition. To come out of this, we need the courage to check with our partners if what he/she does to appreciate us, we interpret it as appreciation and vice-versa.
Let's check our fundamental values, so we show appreciation in the way the other needs. We need to check what the point of the relationship for each of us is? For men, sex is showing appreciation for what they are and do. When sex is denied, they feel unappreciated.

WORTH DOING IT

Men need to feel what they do is worth doing, and that it will bring benefits. They need to feel inspired and motivated, and to be encouraged feeling some kind of expectation. Men get grumpy, cranky when they don't have anything worth committing to.

GATHERING AND HUNTING

Women provide by gathering and men by hunting, being committed to a specific result, intention, and this requires focus. (single focus) When a man is in the hunting mode, he screens out anything irrelevant. It causes a woman to feel not seen, heard, understood, and hurt when he is in that space.

Gathering mode is not focused, is expansive, open. Men get in this space when they are not committed to any task, and they feel safe. It allows them to be open, connected, and spontaneous, emotional, and it is when we fall in love with them.

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